[ His immediate instinct is to blurt out a defensive no. His life has been dominated by fear more than anything else, but it's always been unwise to express it. Showing vulnerability meant making himself a target, providing others with the dagger to plunge in his heart. They were always going to hurt him anyway, but the least he could do was make it more difficult for them.
But he doesn't want to lie to Iorveth, doesn't want to prick him on his sharp quills. That's the crux of the issue, because it does scare Astarion that he wants to be sincere with him. He wants to be seen and known and accepted even after he's shown his worst parts. It's his darkest, most depraved desire. ]
I don't know. [ A lie, so he amends, sounding exasperated with himself, ] —A little.
[ He squirms just admitting that much, rolling a loose thread on the bedspread between two of his fingers. ]
I've never cared for anyone the way I care for you. [ A thoughtful pause. ] I've never cared for anyone at all, really.
[ Iorveth is a known terrorist in the north. He's battle-hardened and paranoid, the kind of elf that had trouble sleeping on a comfortable bed the first few nights they stayed at Elfsong, because he'd grown so accustomed, in his century of half-awake trancing propped against trees, to being uncomfortable. He's not the kind of person anyone should care for unless they share a cause with him― a maladjusted freak, an hourglass shedding sand with each passing second.
Maybe Astarion needs a reminder. But Iorveth finds that he doesn't want to warn Astarion against him. His side of the same coin as Astarion: Iorveth finds comfort in the fact that Astarion cares for him, despite every effort he's made to the contrary.
Silence stretches between them, slow and contemplative. Iorveth fills it by combing through Astarion's hair again, tracing the curve and point of his ear.
Finally, he asks: ] If so, what do you want from me?
[ Unconsciously this time, his head leans into Iorveth's gentle touch like a flower craning toward the sun. It's pathetic how the faint slide of Iorveth's fingers against his ear makes him shiver in satisfaction, but he's finding that perhaps he's all right being a little pathetic around Iorveth if he keeps this up. It's funny; not long ago, anyone seeing his soft molten center would have been his worst nightmare. Now he's willing to roll over for a crumb of affection from the sort of terrorist he would have sent to the gallows as a magistrate.
The question, though, raises an eyebrow. What does he want? He wants to be close to Iorveth all the time, to see a smile break that stony expression, to smell and taste him. That, though, is perhaps a little much, even if he's willing to look pathetic.
[ Something inside of Iorveth snaps. Heavy cords keeping his emotions in restraint; he recalls telling Astarion that it doesn't matter how he feels about anything.
It matters now. At least, right now, in this moment. The heaviness of his feeling breaks from his reason, the intensity of it pressing against the tadpole in his brain, telling it to whisper I adore you directly into Astarion's skull.
He has no control over whether or not that happens successfully, but he breaches the distance between them, physically, to wrap his arms around Astarion's shoulders. Pulling him into an embrace, jumping over the metaphorical cliff. ]
Then you'll have me. [ Softly, against Astarion's ear. ] However you wish.
[ His chest burns; it takes courage to want someone so badly. ] Stay with me, Astarion.
[ Astarion isn't used to being embraced. Caressing a lover, lying lazily across his bedmate's body, holding someone close as he drains their blood — yes. The only embraces he can recall, though, are the quick presses against each other that they shared yesterday, under the stress of Cazador's impending confrontation. This is different, more encompassing. He hardly knows what to do with himself, hands hovering awkwardly before they finally come to rest lightly against Iorveth's middle.
You'll have me — another thing he isn't used to, asking for something and receiving it. And then stay with me, like supplication. He feels warm all over, and not just from Iorveth's body radiating heat. But—
That sort of feeling shouldn't be trusted, even if he very much wants to. ]
[ A tenday ago, getting this reaction in response to stay with me would've had Iorveth recoil back, teeth bared in his familiar kneejerk insult me at your own peril retaliation. The instinct to do so is still there, springloaded on his consciousness and in the way his grip tenses, momentarily, a fraction; like he's about to push back, like he might've taken offense.
It eases. He sighs, and rests his forehead against Astarion's shoulder. ]
I'm not known to say things that I don't mean.
[ Ask the hundreds of dead men that he's threatened to kill. Not the point, though. ]
But if my words ring hollow, then I'll speak more clearly through my actions.
[ One sweet promise won't overturn two centuries of maltreatment. Iorveth is aware, and presses his fondness where his palm is resting between Astarion's shoulderblades, squeezing him gently. ] You needn't give me an answer now.
[ Astarion feels that tension in his grip, that immediate reaction— and he feels him relax, too, the offense draining out of him. Iorveth is right, of course. He doesn't say things he doesn't mean. His unwavering sincerity, even when it's unpleasant, is part of the reason Astarion even trusts him in the first place. He's spent so long surrounded by lies and masks, but Iorveth has never tried to be anything but what he is.
So why, then, is it difficult to believe that he's actually wanted, not just on a timer but indefinitely? Cazador is dead, but his words still ring in Astarion's head. Roach, rat, nothing. Iorveth doesn't see him that way, he knows, but there's still a part of himself that does.
That's far too much to explain. Instead, he says, ] You said that I look bad in green.
[ Iorveth actually laughs at that, low and warm. ]
The ego on you. Unbelievable. [ A biting comment in a different context, but in this one, just amused and bemused. Rearing up with his arms now loosely draped around Astarion, making enough space for a proper once-over, Iorveth curls the corners of his lips upwards. ]
You were beautiful when we were crawling in the mud under Henselt's basement. [ His looks are one thing, but the shape of Astarion is entirely another; not just the way his features are arranged, but the entirety of him. Iorveth finally lets go, but only to flick his nose with his index again. ] You'd look striking in green, if you chose to wear it.
[ Chose being the operative word there. His expression softens another increment, and he soothes over the spot he'd flicked with his thumb. ]
[ Astarion crinkles his nose. It's a reasonable point to raise, if one looks beyond the surface meaning; Iorveth seemed not to think Astarion would belong. Then again, hells, he isn't sure he belongs anywhere. Not this city, not the woodlands. He'd like to belong with Iorveth, though. ]
I want to.
[ It's blurted out, words falling out of his mouth before he can put them into any sensible statement. He doesn't want to be alone. He'd always liked to think of himself as a lone wolf who doesn't need anyone else, but the thought of navigating the world on his lonesome after this is dread-inducing.
After a moment, he shakes his head, correcting, ] —Gods, no, I don't. I'm a winter, darling. It just wouldn't do.
[ He's still talking about clothing. But then, he adds, softly and almost shyly, ] But I want to be with you.
[ Iorveth recalls back－ far, far back－ to memories of a theatrically bereft elf standing near the ruins of a smoldering Nautiloid, pointing to a bush and stating, with improbable certainty, that there's a brain creature Right There, and won't they please Do Something About It. He'd disliked the pale stranger almost immediately: something about the aloof way he held himself, his insincere guilelessness, his inability to take anything seriously.
There's little of that Astarion now. Or, well. There are vestiges of him, made understandable with context. Iorveth doesn't care to make Astarion softer or more palatable or less; he sees Astarion now, saying I want to be with you, and feels, in an utterly unhinged way, grateful that he was abducted by squidmen that put a tadpole in his head.
Bracketing Astarion's face with both hands: ] Then come with me. [ A huff, soft and affectionate. ] We'll share a single ragged bedroll on the forest floor, and kill humans who cross us.
[ Glamorous. Maybe it won't even happen this way－ the others have made it clear that Iorveth will always be a temporary guest at best, even if he returns north. Who knows? Orin might zap them all into nonexistence tomorrow. Who knows? The Netherbrain might turn them all into thralls within the next tenday. Who knows?
Iorveth presses his mouth to Astarion's forehead, and sets those questions aside. Right now, this feels correct. ]
[ He'll probably burn the second the sun comes up if he's on the forest floor, and that's only if Iorveth's people haven't already burned him at the stake for being a monster. Still, it's nice to imagine a future where he doesn't worry about those things, where he can press Iorveth up against a tree and kiss him whenever he wants. It's so pleasant to imagine lying down with Iorveth at night and waking next to him in the morning that he hardly even minds the assertion that they'll be on a tattered bedroll in the dirt.
(But he does still mind, and so he lets himself imagine stealing a nicer one, instead.) ]
All right.
[ Iorveth had asked if his hunger frightened him. It does, and so does this. Any number of things could go wrong: the people of the forest could hate him, he could be condemned to lurking in the shadows for eternity, Iorveth could tire of him once he returns to his real life. He wants to be able to say that he'll be OK if any of those things happen, but the truth is that he'd seethe and despair. Even with that knowledge, all of that is still less frightening than the idea of being alone.
With feigned indifference: ] I suppose, when you ask so nicely, it would be uncouth to deny you your chance to continue adoring me.
[ He presses his mouth to Iorveth's, sealing their agreement with a kiss. ]
[ There are caveats and disclaimers to this agreement, but they can lay out regulations when Iorveth isn't busy rubbing noses with Astarion. Ridiculous. In the future, Iorveth is going to kill everyone who rightly calls him out for being, of all things, smitten. Halsin will be the first to fall. Wyll next, probably. He'll forgive Karlach (a personal bias).
A kiss, to chase the one he's been given. Quick but appreciative, a silent thank you to add to the pile. Giving up ascension, entertaining the notion of staying, tacitly agreeing to wearing green in his future. ]
When I make a choice, [ he murmurs, ] I don't stray from it.
[ Evidenced by his, well, everything. Over a century of fighting a war that literally everyone has told him to fucking quit, never finding a good middle ground for how angry injustice makes him feel. He's making a choice to be fiercely devoted to a vampire with two hundred years of unimaginable violence, and he's making it with no takebacks. It's the sort of insane thing that most people would reconsider; "actually, you're kind of deranged, so no thanks."
Iorveth sits back, then up. Reared up on the mattress like a proud woodland animal, looking down at Astarion with that still-sharp focus. The kind of focus he'll retain for centuries, even after this moment passes. ]
I'll adore you until I burn. [ A promise, a threat, a reassurance. Iorveth is, as always, grandiose. ]
[ A dusty pink blushes his chest, crawls up his neck, and dots his cheeks and ears. He's been desired, shallowly and superficially, but he's never been adored. He remembers looking down on the lovers he'd see strolling the streets at night, hand-in-hand. Pathetic, he'd thought, how they let someone else hold a knife to their throat in that way. He'd let Iorveth hold a knife to his throat any day, as long as he keeps saying those pretty words.
He laughs, incredulous. ] You ridiculous, wonderful man.
[ Flopping back down, he sighs, dreamy and restless all at the same time. Of course, he could match Iorveth's energy, make a dramatic speech about how he'll adore Iorveth for the rest of eternity and then some, but instead—
Dryly: ] You really mustn't say such things if you're trying to keep your clothes on.
[ Gods, Astarion is intolerably cute. Before, that sentence would have terminated at "intolerable", but with enough awareness that Astarion isn't provoking him just for the sake of rubbing him the wrong way or seducing him for some perceived future advantage, the additional descriptor gets tacked on with ease.
Sitting up, he trails his palm down the sliver of pale skin showing between the un-belted canyon of the robe he'd gifted Astarion, from neck to collarbone and down to Astarion's chest. The wanting hasn't abated any, even if the crux of what Iorveth wants Astarion to take away from this has nothing to do with sex; he's just resigned himself to the inexorable fact that all of this wanting comes with wanting to put his mouth on every inch of Astarion's body. ]
I've not much to take off. [ Still very much shirtless, with apologies to the kind old woman that he scandalized. ] Astarion.
[ To the tune of "pay attention". Iorveth's single eye is warm, half his face still concealed but not at all opaque to interpretation. ]
I want you. [ Plainly, without any room for misunderstanding. An ultimatum of sorts. Astarion will simply have to live with the fact that this deranged wood elf is being honest about this. ] I suppose it was never about the shape of your ears, or what you could do for me.
I wanted you since the first time you sunk your teeth in my neck.
[ Astarion glows even pinker and hotter, if such a thing is possible. He must almost seem alive to the touch, for how warm he feels. Iorveth really, really can't keep talking like that if he wants to keep his clothes on. (Pants, anyway.) He remembers his first time feeding from Iorveth vividly, the memory stamped into his mind. He remembers Iorveth's melodramatics, the way he'd declared it his pledge. He remembers a woozy Iorveth braiding his hair, and the walk back to the Elfsong side-by-side. He remembers thinking that it would very likely never happen again.
The thought of being wanted then shoots a thrill up his spine. He strokes the back of Iorveth's hand, back and forth, like the tail of a purring cat.
Since this is presumably a safe space for letting one's freak out, he croons, ] I thought of that, you know. Ceaselessly.
[ Not sexually. Not not sexually. In truth, it was the first time he'd ever been so close to someone and felt good about it. Excited, in control. The unpalatable creature inside of him being accepted and fed, not rejected and starved. ]
[ Again: cute. Astarion gives Iorveth a glimpse of his freak flag, and it makes warmth curl in his own stomach, heady and difficult to ignore.
He trails his hand lower, dips it under the fabric of the half-open gown to press his too-warm palm against Astarion's navel. ]
Then I expect to have your teeth in me, when I sheathe myself fully in you.
[ Speaking of being a freak. Fingers trail along the ridges of Astarion's stomach, tracing him indulgently. The contrast of the dark fabric against his pale (now slightly pink) skin is pretty; Iorveth's gaze settles warmly on where he's petting, just above the waistband of the soft pants he'd purchased only hours ago.
Astarion'd accused Iorveth of inciting hunger. It feels almost impossible for Iorveth to wrap his mind around that concept, when, between the two of them, Astarion is the one who's so thoroughly and vexingly beautiful. ]
[ Gods, Iorveth is so uncouth. Astarion likes it. A lot, judging by the way all of the blood that had rushed to his face turns sharply southward. He grins, squirming restlessly, thrilled by the mere sensation of Iorveth's hand against his ribs and the dip of his navel. Nothing compared to some of the obscene things he'd done and had done to him under Cazador's thrall, but everything compared to them, too, more stirring than all of them combined. ]
—You're positively insane, [ he laughs, eyes sparkling with affection. Because Iorveth really is, to have seen the ravenous, feral creature that Astarion is and decided to keep him anyway.
He adds, smile spreading, ] And astonishing.
[ Demanding little beast that he is, he paws at Iorveth's shoulder, tugging him down so that he can he can press his stupid grin to Iorveth's mouth. ]
[ Proudly guilty on both charges: he is insane and astonishing. The observation curls Iorveth's lips into a light smirk, one that he presses to Astarion's grin when prompted, torso twisted and elbow bracing his weight next to Astarion's face.
What a luxury, having things to smile about in this world. Iorveth rakes his teeth along Astarion's lower lip, then buries his face against the crook of his neck, breathing him in; nothing of the stale, rank acid of Cazador's blood remains on his skin.
Never again. Content, Iorveth trails more kisses under Astarion's chin, along the rise of his throat, down to his open collar. Exploring for the sake of it, mapping him in slow, steady inches. ]
Funny. I find you just as insane for wanting me. [ Murmured against a mouthful of collarbone. Sure, there's a learning curve for how to deal with a vampire with a finnicky personality, but Astarion has a baseline charm. Iorveth, self-aware, really can't say the same about himself. ]
[ He should be the one at Iorveth's throat, but he finds he doesn't mind conceding. With Iorveth's head in easy reach now, he claws at the strip of fabric covering his face like it's personally offended him, tugging it off and unceremoniously tossing it aside.
No one's ever taken their time with him, and being lavished with such unhurried attention makes him feel strange and pleasant and restless all at the same time. It feels nice, of course, but two centuries of habit are telling him to roll over, pin Iorveth down, and get this over with as quickly as possible. He doesn't want to rush through this, though, no matter how instinctual it might be. He fights the urge, instead stroking Iorveth's hair. ]
Please. I can't imagine a monster whose hunger you couldn't sate.
[ He lets his hand drift down onto Iorveth's cheek, thumb running over the scar that cuts over his mouth. ]
[ The vehemence with which Astarion strips him of the cloth covering the mangled side of his face makes Iorveth laugh; truly, if it were anyone else, he would've reared up and headbutted them in the chin for the transgression. Even now, there's a moment where he thinks to brush his grown-out bangs (a curtain now, brushing against his chin) over the missing eye, sparing Astarion from having to look at the hollow space it left behind.
He doesn't, but tenses slightly when he feels fingers brush against his discolored, uneven skin. His gaze momentarily swims to the side, not uncomfortable but unsure, before stubbornness tells him to maintain eye contact. ]
－No. The wound was made years ago, and all the nerves around it are long dead.
[ Blithely, but with distant bitterness. Not the time nor place for unpleasant memories, though; Iorveth shelves his kneejerk instinct to wax poetic about how much he hates humans to nudge into the hand on his cheek, allowing Astarion the freedom to touch. ]
Incidentally, I chose this inn because it was a spearhead that gave me this scar.
[ Implied: I have an awful sense of humor. He licks Astarion's palm. ]
[ Having Iorveth lick his palm like an unruly dog shouldn't do it for him, but it does. Fingers light, he follows the gnarly scar down to Iorveth's lips, then the curve of his jaw, then down to his throat. Although he's quite fond of the whole package, he can't deny a particular fondness for the soft notch above his clavicle, the skin tender and vulnerable.
A sigh precedes, ] If only you could see what I see.
[ He lets his hand drift down the elaborate lines of Iorveth's tattoo, from his neck to his shoulder to his chest. It stalls there, flattened over Iorveth's heartbeat. Steady and thrumming and wonderfully alive. ]
You're beautiful.
[ He's said these exact words a thousand times, shallow and hollow, but he infuses them with as much sincerity as he can now. ]
[ Another brief moment of tension, again, at being called beautiful. Of all things. Now he knows why Astarion replied with "don't say things you don't mean" to his promise to stay close; some things, even spoken in a voice he adores, are hard to believe.
Still, his response is physical. Under the flat of Astarion's palm, Iorveth's heart pounds faster, harder. His turn, for the tips of his pointed ears to turn redder, for his tanned skin to be made even warmer.
He dips down, mouth to Astarion's stomach, slipping away from that clever hand feeling at his pulse. ]
...Mm. [ Uncharacteristically mealy-mouthed for a man who always has too much to say. He scrapes the flat of his teeth along pale skin, keeping with the canine affection.
Before Astarion can say something nice about his looks again: ] ...I've no oil. [ A mild sort of exasperated realization. Practical as always, and looking slightly embarrassed, still, that he was made to be pleased by Astarion's compliment. ]
[ Astarion has had all manner of people in his bed, done all manner of acts. The quickening of Iorveth's pounding pulse beneath his hand is still the most arousing thing he's ever experienced. If there was any blood left in his brain, it's gone now, save for one last drop used to make a mental note to call Iorveth beautiful more often.
With all this excitement, it's reasonable, then, that his eyebrow twitches in annoyance at the impending cockblock. It's not unlike the expression of a spoiled brat who's just been denied a puppy. Had he not used that last bit of blood in his brain on reminding himself to compliment Iorveth, he might be more sensible. Say something like that's all right, I can wait. (Well, maybe not that sensible. He's never said 'I can wait' in his life.)
Instead, entirely fuzzy and thoughtless, he says, ] I don't mind it rough.
[ He fumbles for Iorveth's hand with his own, pressing the tips of his fingers against the wetness of his mouth, brazen and shameless. ]
[ Gods, it's difficult to be reasonable with a bad case of Sex Brain. If Iorveth licking Astarion's palm did it for Astarion, Astarion trying to suck on his fingers does it for Iorveth; it's a struggle, having to exist in this state of impossible arousal with his pants still on. He's probably never been harder in his life.
Forcing his neurons to continue functioning: ] ―I want you to enjoy this, not to tolerate it.
[ There are two wolves inside Iorveth: one, the freak wolf, that says that if Astarion enjoys a little roughhousing, to not treat him like an invalid about it; the other, the rational-thinking wolf, says that Astarion might only be saying this to please Iorveth instead of thinking about his own needs, and that taking advantage of him would be worse than heinous.
The freak is silenced for now. It hasn't been more than a day since they killed Cazador, he reminds himself, not that it stops him from repositioning himself so that he's flush against Astarion, obvious erection pressed to Astarion's thigh. He traces Astarion's teeth with slick fingers, and purposely cuts himself on the sharp end of one perfect fang; blood pools on the tip of his index, and he smears it, indulgently, on the flat of Astarion's tongue. ]
[ Iorveth of all people declining to match his freak is probably one of the low points of Astarion's existence. He doesn't let it fetter his excitement, in part because nothing could, with Iorveth slicking his tongue with blood and saying such sweet words. Paradoxically, Iorveth's reluctance to, as he'd so delicately put it, fuck him senseless only makes Astarion want him more. As it turns out, someone actually giving a damn about whether he has a good time is incredibly erotic.
He flicks his tongue against Iorveth's bloodied finger, then gives each one a toothy kiss, like an affectionate but poorly domesticated animal. After, he pushes on Iorveth's shoulders, a demanding attempt to flip them over. ]
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But he doesn't want to lie to Iorveth, doesn't want to prick him on his sharp quills. That's the crux of the issue, because it does scare Astarion that he wants to be sincere with him. He wants to be seen and known and accepted even after he's shown his worst parts. It's his darkest, most depraved desire. ]
I don't know. [ A lie, so he amends, sounding exasperated with himself, ] —A little.
[ He squirms just admitting that much, rolling a loose thread on the bedspread between two of his fingers. ]
I've never cared for anyone the way I care for you. [ A thoughtful pause. ] I've never cared for anyone at all, really.
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Maybe Astarion needs a reminder. But Iorveth finds that he doesn't want to warn Astarion against him. His side of the same coin as Astarion: Iorveth finds comfort in the fact that Astarion cares for him, despite every effort he's made to the contrary.
Silence stretches between them, slow and contemplative. Iorveth fills it by combing through Astarion's hair again, tracing the curve and point of his ear.
Finally, he asks: ] If so, what do you want from me?
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The question, though, raises an eyebrow. What does he want? He wants to be close to Iorveth all the time, to see a smile break that stony expression, to smell and taste him. That, though, is perhaps a little much, even if he's willing to look pathetic.
A compromise, then: ] I only want you.
[ In all ways. Too much. ]
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It matters now. At least, right now, in this moment. The heaviness of his feeling breaks from his reason, the intensity of it pressing against the tadpole in his brain, telling it to whisper I adore you directly into Astarion's skull.
He has no control over whether or not that happens successfully, but he breaches the distance between them, physically, to wrap his arms around Astarion's shoulders. Pulling him into an embrace, jumping over the metaphorical cliff. ]
Then you'll have me. [ Softly, against Astarion's ear. ] However you wish.
[ His chest burns; it takes courage to want someone so badly. ] Stay with me, Astarion.
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You'll have me — another thing he isn't used to, asking for something and receiving it. And then stay with me, like supplication. He feels warm all over, and not just from Iorveth's body radiating heat. But—
That sort of feeling shouldn't be trusted, even if he very much wants to. ]
Don't say things you don't mean.
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It eases. He sighs, and rests his forehead against Astarion's shoulder. ]
I'm not known to say things that I don't mean.
[ Ask the hundreds of dead men that he's threatened to kill. Not the point, though. ]
But if my words ring hollow, then I'll speak more clearly through my actions.
[ One sweet promise won't overturn two centuries of maltreatment. Iorveth is aware, and presses his fondness where his palm is resting between Astarion's shoulderblades, squeezing him gently. ] You needn't give me an answer now.
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So why, then, is it difficult to believe that he's actually wanted, not just on a timer but indefinitely? Cazador is dead, but his words still ring in Astarion's head. Roach, rat, nothing. Iorveth doesn't see him that way, he knows, but there's still a part of himself that does.
That's far too much to explain. Instead, he says, ] You said that I look bad in green.
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The ego on you. Unbelievable. [ A biting comment in a different context, but in this one, just amused and bemused. Rearing up with his arms now loosely draped around Astarion, making enough space for a proper once-over, Iorveth curls the corners of his lips upwards. ]
You were beautiful when we were crawling in the mud under Henselt's basement. [ His looks are one thing, but the shape of Astarion is entirely another; not just the way his features are arranged, but the entirety of him. Iorveth finally lets go, but only to flick his nose with his index again. ] You'd look striking in green, if you chose to wear it.
[ Chose being the operative word there. His expression softens another increment, and he soothes over the spot he'd flicked with his thumb. ]
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I want to.
[ It's blurted out, words falling out of his mouth before he can put them into any sensible statement. He doesn't want to be alone. He'd always liked to think of himself as a lone wolf who doesn't need anyone else, but the thought of navigating the world on his lonesome after this is dread-inducing.
After a moment, he shakes his head, correcting, ] —Gods, no, I don't. I'm a winter, darling. It just wouldn't do.
[ He's still talking about clothing. But then, he adds, softly and almost shyly, ] But I want to be with you.
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There's little of that Astarion now. Or, well. There are vestiges of him, made understandable with context. Iorveth doesn't care to make Astarion softer or more palatable or less; he sees Astarion now, saying I want to be with you, and feels, in an utterly unhinged way, grateful that he was abducted by squidmen that put a tadpole in his head.
Bracketing Astarion's face with both hands: ] Then come with me. [ A huff, soft and affectionate. ] We'll share a single ragged bedroll on the forest floor, and kill humans who cross us.
[ Glamorous. Maybe it won't even happen this way－ the others have made it clear that Iorveth will always be a temporary guest at best, even if he returns north. Who knows? Orin might zap them all into nonexistence tomorrow. Who knows? The Netherbrain might turn them all into thralls within the next tenday. Who knows?
Iorveth presses his mouth to Astarion's forehead, and sets those questions aside. Right now, this feels correct. ]
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(But he does still mind, and so he lets himself imagine stealing a nicer one, instead.) ]
All right.
[ Iorveth had asked if his hunger frightened him. It does, and so does this. Any number of things could go wrong: the people of the forest could hate him, he could be condemned to lurking in the shadows for eternity, Iorveth could tire of him once he returns to his real life. He wants to be able to say that he'll be OK if any of those things happen, but the truth is that he'd seethe and despair. Even with that knowledge, all of that is still less frightening than the idea of being alone.
With feigned indifference: ] I suppose, when you ask so nicely, it would be uncouth to deny you your chance to continue adoring me.
[ He presses his mouth to Iorveth's, sealing their agreement with a kiss. ]
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A kiss, to chase the one he's been given. Quick but appreciative, a silent thank you to add to the pile. Giving up ascension, entertaining the notion of staying, tacitly agreeing to wearing green in his future. ]
When I make a choice, [ he murmurs, ] I don't stray from it.
[ Evidenced by his, well, everything. Over a century of fighting a war that literally everyone has told him to fucking quit, never finding a good middle ground for how angry injustice makes him feel. He's making a choice to be fiercely devoted to a vampire with two hundred years of unimaginable violence, and he's making it with no takebacks. It's the sort of insane thing that most people would reconsider; "actually, you're kind of deranged, so no thanks."
Iorveth sits back, then up. Reared up on the mattress like a proud woodland animal, looking down at Astarion with that still-sharp focus. The kind of focus he'll retain for centuries, even after this moment passes. ]
I'll adore you until I burn. [ A promise, a threat, a reassurance. Iorveth is, as always, grandiose. ]
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He laughs, incredulous. ] You ridiculous, wonderful man.
[ Flopping back down, he sighs, dreamy and restless all at the same time. Of course, he could match Iorveth's energy, make a dramatic speech about how he'll adore Iorveth for the rest of eternity and then some, but instead—
Dryly: ] You really mustn't say such things if you're trying to keep your clothes on.
[ He's only a man. ]
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Sitting up, he trails his palm down the sliver of pale skin showing between the un-belted canyon of the robe he'd gifted Astarion, from neck to collarbone and down to Astarion's chest. The wanting hasn't abated any, even if the crux of what Iorveth wants Astarion to take away from this has nothing to do with sex; he's just resigned himself to the inexorable fact that all of this wanting comes with wanting to put his mouth on every inch of Astarion's body. ]
I've not much to take off. [ Still very much shirtless, with apologies to the kind old woman that he scandalized. ] Astarion.
[ To the tune of "pay attention". Iorveth's single eye is warm, half his face still concealed but not at all opaque to interpretation. ]
I want you. [ Plainly, without any room for misunderstanding. An ultimatum of sorts. Astarion will simply have to live with the fact that this deranged wood elf is being honest about this. ] I suppose it was never about the shape of your ears, or what you could do for me.
I wanted you since the first time you sunk your teeth in my neck.
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The thought of being wanted then shoots a thrill up his spine. He strokes the back of Iorveth's hand, back and forth, like the tail of a purring cat.
Since this is presumably a safe space for letting one's freak out, he croons, ] I thought of that, you know. Ceaselessly.
[ Not sexually. Not not sexually. In truth, it was the first time he'd ever been so close to someone and felt good about it. Excited, in control. The unpalatable creature inside of him being accepted and fed, not rejected and starved. ]
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He trails his hand lower, dips it under the fabric of the half-open gown to press his too-warm palm against Astarion's navel. ]
Then I expect to have your teeth in me, when I sheathe myself fully in you.
[ Speaking of being a freak. Fingers trail along the ridges of Astarion's stomach, tracing him indulgently. The contrast of the dark fabric against his pale (now slightly pink) skin is pretty; Iorveth's gaze settles warmly on where he's petting, just above the waistband of the soft pants he'd purchased only hours ago.
Astarion'd accused Iorveth of inciting hunger. It feels almost impossible for Iorveth to wrap his mind around that concept, when, between the two of them, Astarion is the one who's so thoroughly and vexingly beautiful. ]
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—You're positively insane, [ he laughs, eyes sparkling with affection. Because Iorveth really is, to have seen the ravenous, feral creature that Astarion is and decided to keep him anyway.
He adds, smile spreading, ] And astonishing.
[ Demanding little beast that he is, he paws at Iorveth's shoulder, tugging him down so that he can he can press his stupid grin to Iorveth's mouth. ]
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What a luxury, having things to smile about in this world. Iorveth rakes his teeth along Astarion's lower lip, then buries his face against the crook of his neck, breathing him in; nothing of the stale, rank acid of Cazador's blood remains on his skin.
Never again. Content, Iorveth trails more kisses under Astarion's chin, along the rise of his throat, down to his open collar. Exploring for the sake of it, mapping him in slow, steady inches. ]
Funny. I find you just as insane for wanting me. [ Murmured against a mouthful of collarbone. Sure, there's a learning curve for how to deal with a vampire with a finnicky personality, but Astarion has a baseline charm. Iorveth, self-aware, really can't say the same about himself. ]
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No one's ever taken their time with him, and being lavished with such unhurried attention makes him feel strange and pleasant and restless all at the same time. It feels nice, of course, but two centuries of habit are telling him to roll over, pin Iorveth down, and get this over with as quickly as possible. He doesn't want to rush through this, though, no matter how instinctual it might be. He fights the urge, instead stroking Iorveth's hair. ]
Please. I can't imagine a monster whose hunger you couldn't sate.
[ He lets his hand drift down onto Iorveth's cheek, thumb running over the scar that cuts over his mouth. ]
Does this hurt?
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He doesn't, but tenses slightly when he feels fingers brush against his discolored, uneven skin. His gaze momentarily swims to the side, not uncomfortable but unsure, before stubbornness tells him to maintain eye contact. ]
－No. The wound was made years ago, and all the nerves around it are long dead.
[ Blithely, but with distant bitterness. Not the time nor place for unpleasant memories, though; Iorveth shelves his kneejerk instinct to wax poetic about how much he hates humans to nudge into the hand on his cheek, allowing Astarion the freedom to touch. ]
Incidentally, I chose this inn because it was a spearhead that gave me this scar.
[ Implied: I have an awful sense of humor. He licks Astarion's palm. ]
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A sigh precedes, ] If only you could see what I see.
[ He lets his hand drift down the elaborate lines of Iorveth's tattoo, from his neck to his shoulder to his chest. It stalls there, flattened over Iorveth's heartbeat. Steady and thrumming and wonderfully alive. ]
You're beautiful.
[ He's said these exact words a thousand times, shallow and hollow, but he infuses them with as much sincerity as he can now. ]
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Still, his response is physical. Under the flat of Astarion's palm, Iorveth's heart pounds faster, harder. His turn, for the tips of his pointed ears to turn redder, for his tanned skin to be made even warmer.
He dips down, mouth to Astarion's stomach, slipping away from that clever hand feeling at his pulse. ]
...Mm. [ Uncharacteristically mealy-mouthed for a man who always has too much to say. He scrapes the flat of his teeth along pale skin, keeping with the canine affection.
Before Astarion can say something nice about his looks again: ] ...I've no oil. [ A mild sort of exasperated realization. Practical as always, and looking slightly embarrassed, still, that he was made to be pleased by Astarion's compliment. ]
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With all this excitement, it's reasonable, then, that his eyebrow twitches in annoyance at the impending cockblock. It's not unlike the expression of a spoiled brat who's just been denied a puppy. Had he not used that last bit of blood in his brain on reminding himself to compliment Iorveth, he might be more sensible. Say something like that's all right, I can wait. (Well, maybe not that sensible. He's never said 'I can wait' in his life.)
Instead, entirely fuzzy and thoughtless, he says, ] I don't mind it rough.
[ He fumbles for Iorveth's hand with his own, pressing the tips of his fingers against the wetness of his mouth, brazen and shameless. ]
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Forcing his neurons to continue functioning: ] ―I want you to enjoy this, not to tolerate it.
[ There are two wolves inside Iorveth: one, the freak wolf, that says that if Astarion enjoys a little roughhousing, to not treat him like an invalid about it; the other, the rational-thinking wolf, says that Astarion might only be saying this to please Iorveth instead of thinking about his own needs, and that taking advantage of him would be worse than heinous.
The freak is silenced for now. It hasn't been more than a day since they killed Cazador, he reminds himself, not that it stops him from repositioning himself so that he's flush against Astarion, obvious erection pressed to Astarion's thigh. He traces Astarion's teeth with slick fingers, and purposely cuts himself on the sharp end of one perfect fang; blood pools on the tip of his index, and he smears it, indulgently, on the flat of Astarion's tongue. ]
I want you to feel nothing but pleasure.
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He flicks his tongue against Iorveth's bloodied finger, then gives each one a toothy kiss, like an affectionate but poorly domesticated animal. After, he pushes on Iorveth's shoulders, a demanding attempt to flip them over. ]
Then at least let me take care of you.
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